every beat of my heart

Sunday, May 31, 2009

when the going gets tough,
the ~~tough~~ internet gets going.

natalia needs to break that bad habit. it seems like getting online has become a form of relieving stress? den again, it's not. she's juz trying to eliminate that which iz making her stressed by totally avoiding it and ending up feeling even more stressed because of the time she wasted on the internet. that is negative feedback, reinforcement of the wrong thing. totally not good.

anyway, back from church this morning.
a thought occured to me this morning.

there is this one guy whom i'm particularly cautious of because of his character and "style". well, i'm acquainted to him and that's something sometimes i wish i could deny. there were times this guy hurt me really bad by the words he said, even if he intended for it to be a joke, which obviously isnt and it's really cutting. but anyway, i noticed that in church, after pastor preaches a message, there is always an altar call for some issues and challenges. and during these altar calls, i keep seeing this guy at the altar call ALL THE TIME regardless of whatever. and most of the time, the altar call revolves around the same/similar issue.

it did occur to me, why does this guy keep responding?
yes, it's a good thing to respond, dun get me wrong.
but.. the thing is that ever after responding, there doesnt seem to be any change or decision made to better himself in whatever sense. even though i still cant stand the fact that he kept responding and expecting that a prayer will work his life 180deg around. where's the effort in it?! it's intriguing..

so yeah, i drew a conclusion..
that responding to a call is entirely a different issue as with carrying out according to the call.
it's one thing to say yes, and another thing to do yes.

it's like it's one thing to be awakened, and another thing to stay awake. it's like it's one thing to be pointed out a weakness, and it's another thing to want to do something about it. i guess we should always want to do something about something we have in mind for. and not procrasinate. like studying.

and so i'm going back to study.
cuz it's one thing to say i want to study
and an entirely different thing to be actually studying.

*throbs @11:43
0 <3

Saturday, May 30, 2009

injured => uninjured! (:

touched (:

thanks everyone for your concerns on my tagboard (:
bk, chuan, dt, ken, naddie and ailin! x)
really touched! (: to know that you guys are always there! 8)

okay, so updates on the weird and odd and funny knee.
it's the strangest thing!

haha i woke up in the middle of the night after 2hours in bed.. and i tried to bending my knee (i was icing it in bed), after a struggled attempt to un-straighten my leg, it shifted back slightly! straightened and bending it again, it shifted back completely! (:
okay, it might sound scary but you can actually feel and hear the bone move back into alignment :p hahaha x) okay, so i checked the clock which showed 3:21AM and went back to sleep praying that when i wake up, the ligament tension would resolve 8)

i've been having this train of thoughts that someone must have been praying for me at 3:21AM(australia time) (: thanks for your prayers anyway (:

maybe i'm really injury prone... x)
as dt says, it's self-injury! maybe i should love myself more (:
which means i should cut down on subway cookies too. haha x)

okay, resolution: the next subway cookie i'll eat will be when naddie comes or when after she leaves! x)

okiedoks, back to studying for understanding health which i so arent understanding! x)
LOVES! (:

*throbs @14:38
0 <3

Friday, May 29, 2009

twisted knee + HSE101 AT2 + rent checked! (:

):
sadly, the updates have faced a massive downturn...
I TWISTED MY KNEE AGAIN!! ):

and i'm upset about it.

as usual, i wasnt doing anything stupid but kneeling on the chair(if you consider that a stupid thing).. but yeah, when i got up from the chair. ta-da! well, i kinda felt it was about to happen a few days ago.. but pfft. upset! ):

anyway, my last assignment has been turned in yesterday without me feeling the slightest bit of confidence and satisfaction. it juz didnt seem right. the sentence structures, the content.. feels as though the quality iz missing ):

but yeah,
i guess it's in already.
need to start studying for my first paper...
definitions, MCQs and short answer question. have no idea how to go about with studying for it. i guess reading and understanding will work alright?

last thing to say before i disappear from cyber world AND bejeweled..
i finally found my house.
Praise the Lord! (:
i took me less than a week to find the place, that matches my criteria perfectly. now i cannot deny that it's God's hand at work. paid my rent for 1 month already (: comes up to $500 including every other bill. it runs on a 3months contract which suits me perfectly cuz i'm staying for 4months (: plus it's walking distance to school (: 20mins? but i pass by subway on the way! (: heh, been getting subway cookies for the past 2days! (: YUM!

white chip nut... (:
LOVES! (:

ohoh by the way, 8) has hit a massvie breakthrough!!!
it has now evolved into an eyes without pupil smiley!!
8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
estatic! (: thanks bk! 8)

*throbs @08:58
0 <3

Saturday, May 23, 2009

blackout + wolverine + househunting?

woots! (:
guess what happened!!!

i wanted to blog yesterday.. and while in the midst of typing my entry, the computer screen suddenly turned black!!! x) and it's not juz the computer!!
the whole house turned black.
the whole village turned black.
the whole neighbourhood turned black!!

COOL.
okay, it's cheap thrill. but what else can you do when there's nothing here that cheers you up without costing you money.

yupp!
so as i heard, a car drove into the electrical post. and ta-da. you have it. the whole neighbourhood blacked out :D

uh-huh.
but anyway, i was suppose to go inspect one house at that time, so i left house. on the way out, i saw 2fire engines, 1police car and i tink one more thingy with the sirens on. all headed towards the direction of my neighbourhood. bwaha

but the inspection didnt take long enough!!!
i came home. and of cuz without electricity, the fridge and everything wasnt working. i couldnt cook my dinner ): ended up, haha i had ICECREAM for dinner! it was melting away in the "doesnt-keep-things-cool" fridge :p plus i had to finish it before i had to throw it away...

so yeah, i had 2pieces of cold bread with ice cream, and two cups of ice cream.
super sinful.
but i had my stressed desserts (:

slept early at 1030pm last night since my lappy's battery died and there's nothing else you could do. took a frigging cold(felt like ice water) shower and slept like a baby (:
thank goodness the electricity iz back this morning (:

anyway, if you're ever interested to carry on reading :p
sorry no photos! no more bandwidth.
nothing else have been happening around here..
only interesting day was tuesday!

tuesday iz movie special day so tickets are $10. which iz still considered expensive. lolx) watched wolverine(i know it's a long expired show in sg) with andrew and lozie :p dinnered at grill'd and yeah (: it was an interesting show maybe because i didnt read the comic (: waha! the part i loved iz when the girl(i forgot her name:D) told the story about wolverine. and logan anyhow pronounced the name of that mythical person. the expression iz really hilarious (:

but i guess other than that...
there's really nothing more to say but.
WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF NERDS, NATALIA!
8)

i'm currently house hunting! which iz totally not fun and stressful. having to juggle both househunting and studying iz totally not helping at all. i hope i'll be able to find a house really soon!

til then,
thanks for reading!
<3

ps: i thought it might be worth keeping a record (:
had cracks of laughter while using the handwriting tool in MSN for the first time! (:
hahaha thanks chuan and dt for entertaining me :p
and i realised i cant draw for nuts! x)

*throbs @10:57
0 <3

Thursday, May 14, 2009

all about knee pain!

based on the suggestion given by mr kenneth lui :p
no, i did not diagnose myself :D
instead, i went to my lecturer to get a diagnosis! haha, but i cannot rem the name of the diagnosis. what a shame!!!

what i did know was that he said it's due to my imbalanced muscle tone in my glutes x) apparently all the physio toned my left glute very well but my poor right side was neglected :p so it's not that toned :D

so.. the result was my knee problem whenever i run!!!
the stupid glutes imbalance caused my knee to pronate when i run. like turn inwards.. that's why i get the pain in the antero-medial part of my knee inferior to my patella.

okay, i'm using massive terms here :p
but anyway, decided to do some research to find out the name of the injury... i've come down to two conclusions.
it's either
(1) patellofemoral pain
check it out: A & B
OR (2) patellar tendinitis.
check it out: A & B

BUT.
none of them explains with a glutes instability... it's all quads O.o
plus they're all chronic injuries. but i tink it's juz a beginning stage of either. plus, i tink i'm relating to different symptoms of either.. so let's juz say it's a mix of two (:

which means to prevent it from getting chronic, i need to do the exersice program my lecturer drew up for me. happy exercising!

*throbs @10:42
0 <3

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

the needs and the buts!

natalia has a few things she needs to do.....
but when the buts come along......

needs to exercise
BUT.. my knees are getting old. 6km yesterday iz killing my knees walking today :p

needs to get started on her next and final assignment
BUT.. i juz submitted my last assignment!

needs to start studying for her exams
BUT.. needs to do the last assignment first!

needs rest her eyes before her degree gets higher(which i tink it iz already)
BUT.. the computer iz her ONLY source of entertain other than the tv!

needs to stop eating
BUT.. i'm hungry and my mouth iz itchy for food! ):

needs to get HDs
BUT.. it's so tough ):

needs to stop complaining and get on her butt to start studying (:
SHOO! (:

*throbs @15:02
0 <3

Monday, May 11, 2009

videos! (:

Got this from Huiyen's blog today (:
really good sentence (:
It is not ours to know the reason why unanswered is our prayer, but ours to wait for God's own time to lift the cross we bear!

anyway, i love this video (: hope it works! Love song meets viva la vida. [edit] got it from aaron's blog! :p

what does viva la vida mean anyway?
but yeah, listen to the story behind. (:
true love works this way i guess.
when somehow you're really into this someone but circumstances stand in your way. yet you're willing to be bold and take a step out to make things happen just to not let go of the love.

i guess it's pretty much the same with God.?
you love God so much but yet the troubles that life brings somethings covers and blocks out God's love for you so much. yet are you willing to take that step out back to God to keep that love?

reminded me of the youth camp skid from this video (:
(okay, i dunno which one iz the original :p)

when you begin to fight, Jesus will be willing to shield from everything else juz for us to be with him again.

(:

Labels: videoooo

*throbs @14:18
0 <3

Friday, May 08, 2009

psych happiness + sex drive.

i love pysch.
smth about happiness...
factors that dun predict:
1. money (money cant buy happiness! :p)
2. age (and all the females say: amen!)
3. parenthood (really?!)
4. intelligence/attractiveness (thank God for that)
moderate perdictors of happiness:
health, religion, social activity
high perdictors of happiness:
love&marriage, work, personality

and so i thought children were suppose to be a bundle of joy. it's funny how parenthood iz considered a factor that doesnt predict happiness.... x)
well, happiness iz yours to control! rem that! (:
i would definitely try to work on the last 3 more.....

somehow earlier this week came upon me some memories (:
haha, rem back in teejay days during mass pe. there was this one day during mass pe jon did smth stupid :p hahaha x) well i'm not the one who witnessed it. but i heard the witness, jud. haha x) apparently jon thought he had his pe shorts on, but thought wrong :p turned out he forgot :D

BWAHA! hilarious moment x) goodness.
okay, i dunno why i rem that all of a sudden. but haha x)

anyway, was channel surfing on tv juz now while watching monster-in-law and lethal obession. (talking a break before i start gobbling up my essay :p) anyhow, for some reason, there was a documentary talking about sex. and dildo? i'm not sure how to spell it. but it was a really weird show. i cannot emphasize how weird the show was. they actually have classes to teach females how to put a condom on using the mouth. oh man. it was really awkward :S

i seriously cant understand this thing called sex drive.
a drive refers to a push factor due to changes in homeostasis. hence, it's there to actually return the body back into the normal state of homeostasis. but.. why do you refer to sex as a drive? okok, i know the scientific reason, when you get excited, your heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure increases rapidly, and your blood vessles blahblahblah...
but...
i juz dun get why izzit always there. whether it's subconscious or conscious or whatever. gosh, it was so weird talking about sex drive during our psych tute this week. especially among locals. they actually labelled the strength of sex as a motivator 10/10.
i guess i'm starting to see the pattern. disappointing? but i'm starting to understand why 5years iz actually considered too long for pure dating in the Asian context.

*throbs @22:02
0 <3

over the word limit! ah!

OH NO NAT!!!
YOU DID IT AGAINNNNNN!!!
FOR THE THIRD TIME!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

okay, announcement :
I'VE FINALLY FINISHED MY ASSIGNMENT! (:
well it's not my last assignment. but yeah, it's the one that has been bugging me for like 2weeks and it's finally done. *PHEW!*

BUT.

i'm like WAY OFF the word limit.....
NOT GOOD!!!
the limit is set at 1500+/-10%. so the max i can go iz 1650. zomg. and i have like 2348words?!?!!!! oh man. not good. i'll have to start eating my own words. how do you actually cut back an essay by 1000words?!?! ):

crap man.
1650 just isnt enough words! x)
200 for intro and 200 for conclusion.. leaves 1200 for 7parts! that's less than 200 words for each part. how do you actually do that?! it's funny how they're expecting you to give smth that's detailed and clearly explains smth.. but yet. less than 200 for each part?! ):
- significance of issue
- determinant #1
- determinant #2
- determinant #3
- interaction of determinants
- strategy #1
- strategy #2
my tutor says they're all equally important. which means. i'm in trouble! not that i didnt complete my assignment. i OVER-completed it.

geex!
i'm such a granny!

*throbs @17:08
0 <3

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Exo17:1-7. believing in God.

and so you tink your problems are so huge huh.
give yourself 2 tight slaps nat.
this world doesnt revolve around you.
remember that and mature up.

the way you handled the situation was bad, immature? you dunno how to do anything but escape and run away. choose the easy way out and ignore. that's not smart. be a friend. HELP. know you dun like being the bad person by not telling the truth. but that's not being a friend.

God, i need help to really stretch and expand my capacity to contain these judgements that i have about the people i meet. i try my best to make friends with caution. it's not easy trying to stay away from the main crowd, with all the different lifestyle adopted around here. but yet at the same time, Lord, help me to help my friends to change them for the better. to draw the line yet make a difference.

today's lifegroup was on Exo17:1-7.
when the children of came out of Egypt and were in the wilderness, they complained because there was no water. apart from what they were sharing, i was reminded of God, being the one performing all the miracles and taking them outta Egypt, but yet, the children of Israel couldnt believe God for the provision of the small and simple things. one thing about it was that God having taken me out of Singapore, why should i not believe God will help me with my assignments and exams and survival here? second thing was that if God has been so real in the past, if i should ever doubt again, i'm an idiot.

friends,
God is the constant variable in life.
if
US + GOD = VICTORY;
yet at times
US + GOD = FAILURE.
when God being the constant, guess who's the one at fault. us. we are the changing variable.
rem, if the distance between you and God increases, guess who's the one who moved. us.

food for thought.

*throbs @19:19
0 <3

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

learn to laugh at yourself!

QN: Why are Singaporeans/Asians so afraid of losing face?
ANS: Because they simply find it hard to laugh at themselves.

tough question, but a simple answer.
back to basics of laughing. the best medicine (:
when you're able to laugh at yourself for making mistakes, for doing something silly, for making a fool of yourself. laugh at yourself. when you begin to learn to be able to laugh at yourself, life becomes better and so much more enjoyable. what for be constantly afraid of what people think of you? learn to laugh at yourself.

(:
my opposite neighbour(whom i dunno who) juz saw me "dancing" around in front of my computer. hahahaha x) got a little excited getting this assignment in shape (: and from singing out loud with my earpiece plugged in? x) heh

next question: what's the difference between kiasu-ism and seeking excellence?!

*throbs @20:23
0 <3

Monday, May 04, 2009

procrastinating more..

really really really dun feel like studying ):
not even read through the researched materials and extract out the necessary stuff on my lappie ): dun understand why i'm feeling like this. ):

there's smth not right in my unconscious mind.
"hidden" cognitive [edit(thanks jud)] dissonance.
nah, that's an overload of too much pysch for me.

my body feels outta sorts ):
still feels empty.
need God, need love.
maybe i'm really getting the home-sick bug now ):

been taking stupid FB quizes even though i know it's stupid.
who's my perfect match? the calm and balanced.
Your perfect match is someone who is encouraging, friendly and genuine. This type of person is a peacemaker and while they are not super ambitious, they want to make sure that the people around them are well taken care of and appreciated. They are happy to let you take the leadership role in the relationship and are very interested in how you are feeling at all times. They are very in tune with their emotions, seek balance in their life and feel happiest when things around them are calm. They lead with their heart, rather than their head so your ability to be well-grounded and level-headed will make you the perfect team. This person will always accept you for who you are, never demanding more and will love you passionately and fully. The top traits they are looking for in a mate are: sensitivity, ambition (they realize that it is important and admire you for it) and stability. You will never need to wonder if they love you as the gifts, cards and phone calls just to "see how you are feeling today" will come pouring in.

i wanna be cinderella. bad beginnings but always happy endings.
be a girly-girl who loves pink.
and make more guy bestfriends. LOL.

i actually wonder how true all these quizes are. it's funny how sometimes one result iz true, but when you take it again, another result might be true too. haha. but it's amazing how people actually come up with such quizes. HMMm.

*throbs @18:29
0 <3

Sunday, May 03, 2009

what a day

what a day.
nat,
STOP EATING
cant stop
STOP STON(E)ING
cant help it
STOP PROCRASTINATING
cant make myself want to do it

i need to be RE-motivated.
there muz be smth in this assignment to make me want to do it.. somewhere hidden among all the confusing and inconsistent government statistics.. somewhere.... ):

*throbs @20:09
0 <3

Saturday, May 02, 2009

random? x)

disappointed ):
the lifegroup was suppose to go rock climbing yesterday evening.
but it was cancelled due to poor attendence at the 11th hour ):

i was really excited when i heard we were going rock climbing!! ):
i miss climbing.
arvin and jud have been going climbing....
i wanna go too! ):

pfft.
reminded me of the days when i used to join allen, sze gay and their friends to climb at climb-asia. totally new to climbing and struggling like crazy. but i enjoyed climbing. ): i wished i joined climbing in TJ, so i wouldnt be so noob now.

well oh well,
have been having bad dreams of late!
i juz dreamt that i hit 60KG off the weighing scale
O.o
i'm so going on a diet.
WE'LL STAY SKINNY CUZ WE JUST WONT EAT.
- "Rockstar" by Nickelback

anyway, juz received a mail from my lecturer (: rem the one that i've been helping with the DVD recording for one the of teaching materials? he said in reward they're going to bring me over to the Deakin Mechandise Shop and we're going shopping!!! :D i wanna get the Deakin pullover! (: haha but it's quite ex. hmmmm. though i know it's not gonna be me paying for it.. but, i still feel bad cuz i didnt offer my help to get the jacket in return. and it's weird "shopping" with a guy x)

what colour jacket should i get....
pink, grey, navy or red...

*throbs @07:43
0 <3